Silent Disconnection

If you are in any way critical of scientology (beyond your own thoughts) there is a fair chance you will experience disconnection. A scientologist is not allowed to question, no matter that they feel they are the best people on the planet at communicating. So if a friend or family member speaks out about their experiences in a negative way, they must be shunned, there is no choice. Scientology says that if you leave you will “lose your eternal salvation” and die lonely and in the dark.Approaching storm

Cutting contact with another because they have a different point of view is a form of attempted control and there are many thousands of people who have heard those words “You attacked my religion!” as a reason for another turning their back on you. OK fair enough, if your religion decrees that you must not question or look beyond it’s boundaries of thought, then that is a choice you make. I personally have no problem with people making their choices, following their journey’s path – as long as they don’t harm others in the process.

The trouble is that scientology doesn’t let it go at that. It is certainly not a true religion, it is a corporation in disguise for tax purposes, and it does harm people.

I had my ‘visible’ disconnection in early 2008 not long after I started telling my story on the Ex Scientologists Message Board after many years of being “under the radar”. I was told to stop posting. Well that doesn’t sit well with me and I was not about to be controlled in what I talked about and how, especially as the telling of my story was so life changing and healing. That is a long time ago, and in that time there has been no contact except very briefly on two occasions, one being included in a family text about a death and another a greeting at a wedding, when the person concerned had to pretend “all was well” to maintain the pretence that “we just had an argument”. Yes, that is the ‘public’ excuse for almost a decade of no contact, no answers to letters, emails or gifts.

As much as it broke my heart to lose them, I could live with the choices my family member made, in the hope that one day they would begin to question some of the silent and unacknowledged desperation they live with deep inside. I understand the invisible pressure they suffer, I was once in their shoes. And I would be/am here for them if and when that day happens.

However the next stage began a few years ago, the deliberate plan to make sure that as many as possible of my close and extended family would also disconnect or distance themselves from me, including my children. I have no idea what set this off other than as a possible distraction, the old scapegoat thing. This was my ‘silent’ disconnection.

It was made easier by the fact that I have never really had the chance to get to know my siblings and their families, we lived in different countries or states in Australia. Scientology believes that I am a “suppressive person” because I became a critic and therefore am responsible for anything bad that happens to them (yes!) and that I am a secret wicked criminal. It would be funny if it wasn’t so heartbreaking in reality.

It is easy to spread lies, manipulate emotions and wage a campaign against someone who doesn’t even know it is happening and is never asked about anything or given a chance to speak, if you sincerely believe that you are doing it for “the greatest good”. Normal morality and truth doesn’t even get a look in, it’s like a shutter comes down to form a tunnel vision of the desired outcome. Which is to make someone an outcast and therefore punish them for the crime of speaking, and cover up any wrongs they themselves have done. No lie is too big, no nasty manipulation too great, money is spent maintaining the appearance of being a ‘loving and successful family member’ who must be believed. That is scientology indoctrination.

The period of my life a few years ago when this happened was dreadful and I still find it hard to come to terms with. During this time my ex husband and both my parents died and I had two major surgeries. I had support from only a few brave family members (and many wonderful friends), the rest have not contacted me since then and even blocked me on Facebook without warning or cause. (I don’t care about Facebook, it was  the only visible and unnecessary event.) I have since learned the scope of some of the lies that were told and I can only shake my head. Surely someone would at least question or wonder?

It is what it is. Three generations of my four generation scientology family were children brought up within the disabling thought patterns of scientology and I understand that it’s sometimes easier to just keep your head down and go along with the crowd. If the core of a family is shattered by not allowing contact, then it is destroyed. No matter the outward appearance of normality, when you have to be careful of what you say then that internal dissonance has long term effects on an individual, which makes me sad.

My father brought scientology into our lives and in the years before he passed he often told me how proud he was at my courage in speaking out. Dad knew the score and he Culburra sunset1couldn’t rock the boat, he was still in circumstances where scientology had control. He resisted attempts to get him to disconnect and maintained constant contact anyway, which was also brave of him. Mum was the same. I know my parent’s greatest wish was for the family to be reunited, however faint a hope that seems. However I believe that love is stronger than evil.


6 thoughts on “Silent Disconnection”

  1. Love is stronger than evil and scientology is systemically evil under all those fancy words and shiny shop front antics. I hope you know what an inspiration you are. Thank you. xxx


  2. Silent but sometimes deadly.
    Disconnected in name only but in fact very connected, through others, with intent to destroy the infidels as passionately as any fundamentalist.
    As a 30 year ex (Apollo and before) I came into this field of fire, as FTS’s brother, and can attest that this part of the story is only the tip of a huge black caustic iceberg.
    I was around the fringes for this whole process including when the disconnection turned sour. From years of passive avoidance to hateful and quite intentional destruction of relationships with other mislead-able family members — into the next generation.
    Years later the family is still being manipulated and kept apart with a campaign of discrediting, poisoning and politics. Rarely outright lies, too obvious. But insidious and persistent enough to be very effective.
    The casualties include our Father, who paid to keep the peace with emotional pain and pretense for the remainder of his life. Which was in effect arguably actually truncated by the person in question – that being a mere matter of “dropping the body”.
    Although I’d had a distant but co-tolerant relationship with the poor Kool-Aid addict perpetrating all this, it ended absolutely that afternoon when I interrupted a lobbying phone call, pitching me on how bad FTS was, by saying I was supportive and there for my sister. Click. Absolute silence, ever since.
    But that hasn’t stopped the active campaign (via others of course) with propaganda of hate and innuendo. I expect it will never cease, fanatics with something righteous to prove are like that. Not being able to demonstrate in life how good they are, they try and belittle others as being the real baddies.
    The two biggest ironies with this type of fallout are that (a) the quest for total freedom results in total imprisonment. Including captivity within a web of deceit for non-connected family; and (b) that their other holy grail of TWO-way communication is the exact thing they don’t do. To fix anything ever.
    Yet under cover of radio silence, their wage a proxy or undercover war just like any religious pogrom or crusade. But sneaky.

    The ultimate irony though is that the instant the Kool-Aider comes out from the cult’s influence and starts to look at real truths and real life, is the instant we will both forgive utterly, and love regardless.


    1. Indeed! The quest for this particular brand of total freedom is futile, and swirls within the confines of imprisoning tunnel walls. Those walls are constructed of smoke and mirrors. Those that play within the constraints of those shadowy walls are driven to ridicule, marginalise and destroy the realities of those that do not stand in the same filtering tunnel. It helps ease their warped consciences and distorted world view. And yes, when the tunnel walls fall, or even start to fall, love, forgiveness and laughter thrives. 🙂


  3. Belated hello, dear FTS. Thanks one again for sharing your personal thoughts, experiences and observations on the subject of disconnection.

    In reading about this silent disconnection and how its evolved over time with your disconnected scientologist family and friends, it seems as if hiding from you makes it easier for them to join in being ignorant than really look at what they are losing with you. Tactic consent, fear of getting into trouble with the church. A dying of innate emotional responses. I know how jaded scientologist become becuse I became that way when I was in. death, loss… all mean nothing because that is how we are expected to respond – that these human needs like love are expendable. I think it takes a strong person to see, to look, and to leave. You are a strong person, brave, noble, committed to truth. Despite what they have done to you, I f I were you I would pray for these lost souls, and never lose faith that one day they may go free from this cult and mindlessness that has entrapped them.

    ~~Mary XOXO


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